Updated: Jun 14, 2021
J.J. Quantz Menuetto
Being present and letting go.
Erl started daycare last week. It was surreal and bittersweet, but I think what I will remember most is a moment later in the afternoon after he had come home and taken his nap. We were listening to the radio and a minuet by Haydn came on. Erl grabbed both of my hands in his and started dancing forwards and back, pulling me towards him and pushing me away (he’s very strong) in almost an English-country sort of dance. I think he was showing me something he learned at daycare. I felt like a character in a Jane Austen book, nearly swept off my knees, as it were, by this tiny boy who has my heart.
This simple Minuetto by Quantz captures my emotions in that moment- of a tired mom trying to be present and hold on to her tiniest as long as possible. I often struggle to feel fully present with my kids. I want to, but I can’t help myself from trying to think about and do so many things at the same time. I know how fast the tiny years go by, even as I am wondering how they can possibly feel so slow. When I do slow down to appreciate and anchor myself in those perfect moments, everything is already tinged with nostalgia. The past year and a half has been so hard, but now that we are starting to do normal things, it suddenly seems like a blur. Will I even be able to remember these moments? How will I remember this time—will I remember the difficulty of my children being small during a pandemic, or I will it remain in my memory as when time stood still so I could enjoy their sweetness?